3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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