so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I am available for nakedness
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
