The maid of honor just puked.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
