dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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