Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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