dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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