It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
