it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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