yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
