peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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