His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
