Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
