i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
