You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
