she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
All the doctor said was why
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
