ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Randomize
