don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
