We need to rekindle our bromance
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
