5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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