ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
