Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I could have mohawked her pubes.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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