so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
They are going to name an STD after you.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
