My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
