But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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