I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
