I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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