so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
