there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
May the power of my ass compel you!!
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
