I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
