My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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