I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
