Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
