I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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