If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
