There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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