alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
