We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
