When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
