I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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