Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
