Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
