he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
