i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
