did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
