I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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