and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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