I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
