I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
it glows. i had to have it.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
