I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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