really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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