May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
