So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
